How to cope with your child moving away from home to study

Your teen is about to head off to university and move out of home for the first time. For your family, it might be an exciting milestone in your young adult’s life, while for others it might be an anxious time.

Common questions that may have popped up in your mind could be: Will my child settle in okay? Will they make friends? How will they balance study, socialising and other commitments? Where do they go if they need help with their studies? How will they survive without someone to do all their cooking and laundry?

Here are some tips to help you both prepare for the transition and ensure your child has all the support they need to live comfortably away from home.

Teach them valuable life skills they can take with them

_{Rosina Uhila moved away from home to study and put the skills her parents had taught her into practice.}

It can be difficult to watch your child embark on a new stage of life, particularly when they’re doing it away from you. However, the independence of living out of home is a chance to learn all those essential life skills like budgeting, cleaning, cooking, building relationships and self-reliance. Rosina Uhila moved out of home to study, and while it was a challenge being away from her family, she found it an incredibly rewarding experience–and found out she had more of her parents in her than she realised:

“I realised while I was away that all the life lessons that my parents had taught me had come into play,” she remembers. “I cleaned like my mother, looked after my friends like I would my younger brothers, and budgeted and cooked my own food. My father’s people skills allowed me to network with different people and my independent character started to develop. It is these types of skills that you can only gain if you are out of your comfort zone while understanding that you have the support of your family. You learn a lot about how to overcome different challenges and this prepares you for the real world.”

Be confident in the knowledge your child will be taking the life lessons you’ve taught them and putting them into practice.

Take a trip to Auckland before the semester starts

While Auckland isn’t large by international standards, it can be a daunting place to move to.

With its soaring Sky Tower and a third of New Zealand’s total population, Auckland can be a daunting place if you’re relocating here from another city or a smaller town in New Zealand.

Before your teen makes the big move to the City of Sails, it’s a good idea to take a trip together to scope out the area. Make it a fun family outing, and cover off some of the following things during the trip:

• Take public transport to get a feel for bus routes, train lines and how to get from where your teen will be living to the university.
• Explore the CBD and inner city suburbs.
• Visit some key places your teen is likely to visit such as cafés, parks, shops and libraries.
• Stop by a local Kmart or The Warehouse to stock up on living essentials.

Not only will this help your teen feel more settled and comfortable in their new home, it will make you feel more at ease. You’ll be able to visualise where they are, what their surroundings are like, where they’re hanging out and what their life is like. It’s difficult to send your child off to a new place you don’t know very well so giving yourself the opportunity to familarise yourself with their new environment will make the transition much easier.

Look into available support services

There’s plenty of support available for your child in Auckland.

One concern you might have about your teen moving away from home to study in Auckland is that you won’t be there to support them if things go wrong. Luckily, there are a lot of support services available to university students. At AUT, for example, we provide a range of support services designed to help students navigate the challenges of university and life.

Encourage your teen to use these services if they feel overwhelmed or need someone to chat to. They may not need these services right away, but if they’re aware they exist they’ll be more likely to use them down the track.

Encourage your child to get involved

Clubs and societies let your teen make new friends who share interests in common.

Life at university is much more than assignments and exams – it’s also about making friends and having a great time. Encourage your teen to join clubs and societies on their university campus as well. At AUT we have a whole host of groups that organise regular get-togethers based on their study programme and mutual interests. These can be a great source of support for your child. Clubs and societies will help your child meet new people they have something in common with and adjust to an environment that’s much bigger than what they’re used to.

The city of Auckland also offers plenty of extra-curricular activities for students, from pub trivia nights to food festivals. Heart of the City, The Urban List and Concrete Playground are great sites they can check out to find out what’s happening locally.

Help your teen create a budget

Creating a budget together will increase your confidence that your teen will be okay financially when they move out of home.

There are many options when it comes to supporting your teen financially at university, and it doesn’t all involve you paying their way through it all. Financial literacy is one of the most important skills your teen can learn from you. So whether you’ve decided to pay their full tuition, provide a small allowance for living expenses or are encouraging them to pay their own way, helping them understand the value of money will be invaluable to setting them up for a successful life away from home.

Sit down together and create a weekly budget. Sorted’s online budgeting tool is a great one to use. Run through all the expenses your teen will have when living out of home, such as tuition fees, accommodation, transport, groceries and socialising. Factor in the savings goals they have, such as saving for an OE or buying a car. Discuss the possibility of finding a casual job or part-time work for extra cash as well as strategies for saving money on everyday expenses.

Putting together a budget will help you and your child visualise how much money they have to spend and what they need to save. It’ll mean you won’t be so worried about how they’re going financially when they’re away from you.

If your child does need further financial advice once they’ve started university, their local Citizens Advice Bureau can help. AUT also offers financial assistance for students in need.

Check in regularly

Stay in touch with your child regularly to support them along their university journey.

Keeping communication open will be key to ensuring you feel confident your child is settling in okay. University is a time when your child is making new friends, finding their feet and gaining their independence, so don’t worry if you don’t hear from them every day of the week. However, they will appreciate knowing you care.

Try to check in once a week to find out how they’re going, and when you do be sure to remember that university isn’t just about study. While it’s important to ask them about how their papers and assignments are going and how they’re finding the workload, also ask about any extra-curricular activities they’re getting involved in and the friends they’re making. They’ll know you care about how they are getting on and how their new life is going, not just what grades they’re getting.

AUT business alumnus Pablo Fernandez really appreciated keeping in contact with his parents back home when he moved overseas to study at university. “As a parent it’s important to stay in touch, especially in the first year of your child’s study,” he says. “Touching base from time to time and keeping an open line of communication is key. FaceTime and WhatsApp are great for this.”

Top tip

Talk to your child about how they’d prefer to communicate with you. Some teenagers aren’t particularly communicative and might want to text. Others may want to have a phone or Skype call with you every week. Find something that works for everyone.

Things will still feel a little strange when your child finally makes the big move. However, by taking these steps you’ll feel you’ve done all you can to support them in the transition.